Workshop for 2nd Rough Draft Research Paper

I did the workshop of How Ships Can Stop Destroying The Watery Highway They Use by Camaleon.

A couple things stand out when I first read this paper:
1. Try to shorten the title, it seems a little wordy.
2. It looks like you only have around 1300 words (not counting works cited) need to increase words.
3. You may want to try to read your paper outloud, that is what I did and found some spelling errors and words that that just did not make sense in the sentence.
4. There were some fragment sentences, you may want to rephrase them. I believe and example would be "Using alternate means to power ships."


Workshop Questions
1. I never really considered ships to be a problem with the water (except for oil spills) until I read this paper.

2. e-mail

3. They do express their opinion, but the thesis seems to long. They are making the argument that ships destroy our water, what about boats? Maybe the ships could be replaced by sea vessels or another word that discribes all water transportation.

4. it is not really clear who agrees with the author, maybe the envirnomentalist. Not sure who disagrees.

5. yes

6. 6

7. In the thesis they talk about moving sea life to different parts of the globe, not sure what that means. In the paper they do not go into any depth about this, more information about moving sea life, this will also help up your word count.

8. If there were a disagreeing side, I think it may be ship or boat owners. They may say that their vessels are safe for the environment.

9. No

10. No, there are alot of paragraphs, maybe some of them should be combined. There is alot of information on ways to improve the fossil fuels, but more detail needs to be made about how the ships are destroying the environment.

11. No, there is not a clear transition, they jump around to much on topics.

12. The opening statement does not jump out, it needs to be stronger. Try not to use so many sentances.

13. The conclusion does tfollow the thesis, maybe make a stronger statement somewhere in the conclusion.

14. It looks like 9, but I do not see any page numbers, names or titles.

15. Not sure, it looks like they used two source twice.

16. There are alot of facts, not sure if they know alot about this information or just failed to use quotes correctly.

17. Yes, but I am not sure how they are acutually citing their sources.

18. I think any area that talks facts and tells information needs to be cited.

19. No, I am struggling with this portion myself, I can not give any godd information on this.