Workshop of rough draft research paper for "This is all new to me!"

http://thisisallnewtome.blogspot.com




1. I like the fact that she is making people aware of the resouces that are causing our water to become polluted. I never really thought about it until I seen it in writing.
2. I will ask question in comment box on their blog.
3. In some areas she does, but not throuhout the whole paper. The argument is that certain things we do can cause are water not to be healthy.
4. I am not sure what group agrees. The employees that work with agriculture may disagree, sewage department may also disagree.
5.Yes it does.
6. This was about a 5, the information is interesting, but it was not put together in a clear manor.
7. They need to go into more depth about each of their because reasons. I think the conclusion should not have question marks, but need to be strong statements.
8. They may defend how they dispose of items, that the peticides they put on agriculture is safe.
9. No, they need to add some agruments in their paper.
10. Not really, I think they need to go in order and hit each topic with as much information that they can find. They have only scratched the surface. Maybe start each paragraph with the topic they are going to talk about.
11. There is not a easy transition, one paragraph they talked about recycling and I am not sure where that fits in with this topic.
12.The first line does capture your attention. Maybe make it a statement and not a question?
13. No, they do not refer back to their thesis statement.
14. It looks like about 7, some of the sources ran together.
15. It looks as though they may have touched on each of their sources. Not to heavyly on one.
16. There are some facts cited, may need to make it more personal.
17. Not sure about this one.
18. I do not see anything that was cited, maybe paragraph 2 where they state facts and maybe paragraph 5 where they are talking about other countries.
19. No, I do not see any quotes.
I hope this helps.